Monday, December 31, 2012

Resolution or not?

2012 was an incredibly difficult year for me. There were times I was so discouraged about things I wondered why I even bothered. I won’t go into all the sordid details they aren’t really important. There were spots of sunshine and energy, but over all I allowed my life to come to a screeching halt, doing only what I had to do to get by. It is not something I am proud of, it simply happened

The crazy thing was, I could see what was happening, but I couldn’t stop it. I let my health go, my happiness go, and worst of all, I let my muses go. By the middle to the end of the year, I couldn’t write my way through a wet Kleenex.

But instead of forgiving myself for my moments of laziness, I did the opposite. I put so much pressure on myself it was impossible to get things done. Instead I found other ways to squander my time. Since I had not completed the task and I would get mad at myself for being a slacker which would only push me further into my self-made sink-hole.

But slowly, I have been coming out of it. I have finally admitted a few things to myself that I have always known but was reticent to admit. We can discuss some of those later. 

This year I begin anew. After all since we survived the Mayan doomsday thing it so seems fitting. I plan on doing things this year that I have wanted to do but was afraid to. And for the first time in many years, I have decided to make a resolution and here it is.

I resolve to forgive myself and move on. Whether it’s eating a second piece of chocolate cake or watching a movie instead of writing. I will acknowledge it happened, but not dwell on it. That's it. Not too earth shattering, but very important. 

I hope that everyone has a safe and happy New Year’s.

Blessing and light to all!