Tuesday, December 21, 2010

To dream of rainbows

Please let me dream of rainbows, the child she said to me.
I want to dream of rainbows, and castles by the sea.
I need to dream of rainbows, fairies dance there in its light.
I have to dream of rainbows, there witches have no fright.
For you see, to dream of rainbows, is to dream of fantastical lands,
what is to be, my friend you’ll see, lives inside those colored bands.
So let me dream of rainbows, where winged horses take to flight.
I want to dream of rainbows, even pirates in the night.
I need to dream of rainbows, and see what I can see.
I have to dream of rainbows, to be who I’m meant to be.

It has been many weeks, actually months, since I sat down to write anything, and in fact, I almost put it off again tonight. It has also been more years than I can think since I have written a poem of any kind. So you might say I found it odd when the first line to the above poem stuck in my head at 12:30 am.

I tried to put it out of my mind, and tell myself that I would get to it in the morning, after I had a full nights rest, or any rest for that matter. You see I have been battling bronchitis for the past four or five days, and staying awake to write a poem was not something I had in mind. Yet, there it was and before I had even gotten out of bed, the poem had written itself inside my head and would not rest until I put it down on paper.

So what does it mean? It means I want to dream of rainbows, or anything for that matter. I’m not talking about the dreams you have when you lay down to sleep at night. (That’s where I get my character ideas from. Can’t wait for you guys to meet Clio the Centaur.) I’m talking about daydreaming. About making up a story, any story, and fleshing it out inside your head. It is something we were champs at doing as children and have since learned to royally screw-up as we become adults.

I know to hear me say I want to dream seems odd considering a spend a great deal of time with imaginary characters. In fact as I strolled through the French Quarter the other day, I took two of my characters along with me. Luckily, in New Orleans, people talking to themselves is not unusual and I blended in with all the other eccentrics.

But daydreaming about who and what you are, who and what you want to become, that is a different thing all together. I catch glimpses of that ability ever so often, but not for nearly long enough. There seem to be too many demands on me and my day. To even get five minutes alone is a miracle, and even when I am alone, my mind won’t stop thinking of the 452 things I HAVE to get done.

I read a blog by Kevin Smith (Jay and Silent Bob) the other day in which he talked about becoming a director. He kept talking about wanting TO BE a director, until one day, his sister told him to quit saying he wanted TO BE a director. That he already was a director. He simply hadn’t directed a movie yet. He needed to stop trying to be and simply be. He had to act like a director and continually think like a director, and that got me thinking.

I want TO BE a writer. The one thing I have on Kevin is that I actually have written a novel. Two in fact, and am working (I use that term loosely) on the sequel to the second one. So, I am a writer, I just haven’t published my first novel yet.

So maybe to become published I need to go back to the philosophy of “think-ology.” Just like the kids in the Music Man who taught themselves to play musical instruments without ever actually playing a note, I can think or daydream my novel into being published. After all, isn’t that really what the premise of the books The Secret and the Law of Attraction is about when you boil it down - “think-ology”. If you built it they will come and all that?

I know it’s early, but I have made my New Years Resolution. It is to dream of rainbows, to be who I’m meant to be. I will probably throw in a shape-shifter or two and an elf assassin. I can’t help it. Those guys are really fun to hang out with.